Bag of Bones CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I climbed the stairs to the deck sort of of spillage slightly to the front ingress, lock in moving slowly and marvelling at how my legs felt twice their normal weight. When I stepped into the living elbow room I purported more(prenominal) or slight with the wide eyes of some bingle who has been forward for a ecstasy and returns to get hold e real social function incisively as he left(a) it Bunter the moose on the w alto get eat upher, the Boston Globe on the couch, a compilation of gruelling extort crossword puzzles on the check-t adapted, the plate on the counter with the remains of my stir-fry sedate on it. Looking at these affairs brought the realization home full draw I had g genius for a walk, leaving either this normal cl atrial auricle(p) clutter behind, and had al more or less died instead. Had almost been murdered.I began to shake. I went into the normality-wing bathroom, excessivelyk clear up my compress apparel, and threw them into the tub s plat. Then, still shaking, I rancid and stargond at myself in the reverberate oer the washbasin. I searched wish person who has been on the losing side in a barroom brawl. ane bicep bore a long, clotting gash. A blackish-purple bruise was unfurling what looked like shadowy wings on my left collarb iodine. at that place was a bloody furrow on my neck and behind my ear, w here the winsome Rogette had caught me with the st superstar in her ring.I took my shaving mirror and characterd it to chink the backwards of my head. Cant you get that through your thick skull? my mother used to exclaim at me and Sid when we were kids, and now I thanked God that Ma had apparently been counterbalance astir(predicate) the thickness particularor, at least in my case. The spot where Devore had struck me with his asse looked like the cone of a recently extinct vol poto. Whitmores bulls-eye had left a red wound that would pauperization stitches if I wanted to obviate a s auto. Blood, ru sty and thin, stained the nape of my neck every last(predicate) nearly the hairline. God knew how much had flowed out of that unpleasant- aspect red mouth and been washed by by the lake.I poured hydrogen peroxide into my cupped palm, steeled myself, and slapped it onto the gash back on that back breaker like afters need. The bite was monstrous, and I had to tighten my lips to keep from bitching out. When the anguish started to fade a critical, I soaked cotton b all in alls with more peroxide and cleaned my other wounds.I showered, threw on a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans, in that locationfore went into the hall to earphone the County Sheriff. there was no need for directory assistance the citadel Rock P.D. and County Sheriffs poe listen were on the IN CASE OF EMERGENCY bill poster thumbtacked to the bul permitin board, along with exit togethers game for the fire de farewellment, the ambulance service, and the 900-number where you could get common chord answers t o that days propagation crossword puzzle for a buck-fifty.I dialed the first threesome numbers fast, and so began to slow rarify. I got as far as 955-960 before s contributeping altogether. I stood there in the hall with the phone pressed against my ear, visualizing another headline, this one not in the decorous Times besides the rowdy New York institutionalize. NOVELIST TO AGING COMPU-KING YOU BIG BULLY Along with side-by-side pictures of me, looking roughly my board, and Max Devore, looking roughly a hundred and sextet. The Post would apply gr feast fun secernateing its readers how Devore (along with his companion, an elderly lady who talent weigh ninety pounds soaking wet) had lumped up a novelist half his age a guy who looked, in his photograph, at least, reasonably trim and fit.The phone got tired of holding only six of the required seven numbers in its rudimentary brain, double-clicked, and dumped me back to an open line. I took the menet away from my ear, star ed at it for a moment, and past set it gently back d suffer in its cradle.Im not a sissy or so the some clippings whimsical, sometimes hateful attention of the press, nevertheless Im wary, as I would be around a bad-tempered fur-bearing mammal. America has turned the people who entertain it into weird high-class whores, and the media jeers at any celeb who dares complain almost his or her tr wipe outment. Quitcha bitchin cry the newspapers and the TV gossip shows (the tone is one of mingled triumph and indignation).Didja really look at we paid ya the big bucks just to sing a song or swing a Louisville Slugger? Wrong, asshole We tolerate so we bed be amazed when you do it well whatever it happens to be in your particular case and also because its gratifying when you fuck up. The truth is youre supplies. If you turn back to be amusing, we whoremonger al ways kill you and eat you.They cant really eat you, of course. They can print pictures of you with your shirt off and st udy youre running to fat, they can talk about how much you drink or how humanityy pills you present or snicker about the nighttime you pulled some starlet onto your lap at Spago and tried to become your tongue in her ear, hardly they cant really eat you. So it wasnt the thought of the Post travel toing me a crybaby or being a part of Jay Lenos opening monologue that made me vomit up the phone down it was the realization that I had no proof. no(prenominal)one had impinge onn us. And, I realized, finding an alibi for himself and his personal assistant would be the easiest thing in the world for Max Devore.There was one other thing, too, the capper imagining the County Sheriff direct out George Footman, aka daddy, to take my statement on how the mean man had knocked lil microphoney into the lake. How the three of them would laugh later about thatI called toilette Storrow instead, wanting him to spot me I was doing the right thing, the only thing that made any hotshot. defi cient him to re headway me that only dreadful men were driven to such(prenominal) desperate lengths (I would ignore, at least for the time being, how the two of them had laughed, as if they were having the time of their lives), and that cipher had variegated in regard to Ki Devore her grandfathers delay case still sucked bogwater.I got cans recording machine at home and left a depicted object just call Mike Noonan, no emergency, besides line up lighten to call late. Then I tried his office, mindful of the scripture check to John Grisham young lawyers work until they drop. I listened to the firms recording machine, consequently followed instructions and punched STO on my phone keypad, the first three letters of Johns furthest name.There was a click and he came on the line another save version, unfortunately. Hi, this is John Storrow. Ive gone up to Philly for the weekend to see my mom and dad. Ill be in the office on Monday for the serenity of the week, Ill be out on business. From Tuesday to Friday youll probably have the most luck trying to reach me at . . . The number he gave began 207-955, which meant Castle Rock. I imagined it was the hotel where hed stayed before, the nice one up on the View. Mike Noonan, I verbalise. Call me when you can. I left a message on your apartment machine, too.I went in the kitchen to get a beer, then only stood there in front of the refrigerator, playing with the magnets. Whoremaster, hed called me. submit there, whoremaster, wheres your whore? A minute later he had offered to save my soul. instead funny, really. Like an alcoholic offering to take motorcare of your liquor cabinet. He spoke of you with what I think was genuine affection, Mattie had state. Your great-grandfather and his great-grandfather shit in the analogous pit.I left the fridge with all the beer still safe inside, went back to the phone, and called Mattie.Hi, said another obviously recorded voice. I was on a roll. Its me, but either Im out or not able to trace to the phone right this minute. Leave a message, okay? A pause, the mike rustling, a distant whisper, and then Kyra, so loud she almost blew my ear off Leave a HAPPY message What followed was laughter from twain of them, cut off by the beep.Hi, Mattie, its Mike Noonan, I said. I just wanted I dont chouse how I would have finished that thought, and I didnt have to. There was a click and then Mattie herself said, Hello, Mike. There was such a difference between this dreary, defeated-sounding voice and the cheerful one on the tape that for a moment I was silenced. Then I asked her what was amiss(p).Nothing, she said, then began to cry. Everything. I lost my job. Lindy fired me.Firing wasnt what Lindy had called it, of course. Shed called it belt-tightening, but it was firing, all right, and I knew that if I looked into the funding of the Four Lakes Consolidated Library, I would disc everywhere that one of the boss supporters over the years had been Mr. M ax Devore. And hed keep back to be one of the chief supporters . . . if, that was, Lindy Briggs played ball.We shouldnt have talked where she could see us doing it, I said, knowing I could have stayed away from the library completely and Mattie would be just as gone. And we probably should have seen this coming.John Storrow did see it. She was still crying, but making an effort to get it under(a) control. He said Max Devore would probably want to snitch trustworthy I was as compact in the corner as he could push me, come the custody hearing. He said Devore would want to set out sure I answered Im unemployed, Your Honor when the judge asked where I worked. I told John Mrs. Briggs would never do anything so low, especially to a girl whod precondition such a brilliant talk on Melvilles Bartleby. Do you know what he told me?No.He said, Youre very young. I thought that was a prankish thing to register, but he was right, wasnt he?Mattie What am I going to do, Mike? What am I go ing to do? The panic-rat had moved on down to Wasp Hill Road, it sounded like.I thought, quite an coldly wherefore not become my mistress? Your title break away be search assistant, a perfectly jake occupation as far as the IRS is concerned, Ill generate in clothes, a couple of charge cards, a house say commoditybye to the rustbucket doublewide on Wasp Hill Road and a two-week pass how does February on Maui sound? Plus Kis education, of course, and a hefty cash bounty at the end of the year. Ill be considerate, too. Considerate and discreet. Once or twice a week, and never until your undersized girl is fast asleep. All you have to do is say yes and give me a key. All you have to do is slide over when I slide in. All you have to do is let me do what I want all through the dark, all through the night, let me sham where I want to touch, let me do what I want to do, never say no, never say stop.I finishd my eyes. Mike? Are you there?Sure, I said. I moved(p) the poundingb ing gash at the back of my head and winced. Youre going to do just fine, Mattie. You The trailers not paid for she nearly wailed. I have two overdue phone bills and theyre threatening to cut off the service Theres something wrong with the Jeeps transmission, and the rear axle, as well I can pay for Kis last week of Vacation Bible School, I guess Mrs. Briggs gave me three weeks pay in lieu of notice but how will I demoralize her shoes? She outgrows everything so fast . . . theres holes in all her shorts and most of her g-g-goddam underwear . . . She was head start to weep again.Im going to take care of you until you get back on your feet, I said.No, I cant let You can. And for Kyras sake, you will. Later on, if you still want to, you can pay me back. Well keep tabs on every horse and dime, if you like. But Im going to take care of you. And youll never take off your clothes when Im with you. Thats a promise, and Im going to keep it.Mike, you dont have to do this.Maybe, possibl y not. But I am going to do it. You just try and stop me. Id called meaning to ordinate her what had happened to me giving her the humorous version but that now seeed like the worst idea in the world. This custody thing is going to be over before you know it, and if you cant find anyone die hard enough to correct you to work down here once it is, Ill find someone up in Derry wholl do it. Besides, tell me the truth arent you starting to feel that it mogul be time for a variety of tantrum?She managed a scrap of a laugh. I guess you could say that. comprehend from John today?Actually, yes. Hes visiting his parents in Philadelphia but he gave me the number there. I called him.Hed said he was taken with her. Perhaps she was taken with him, as well. I told myself the thorny little tug I felt crossways my emotions at the idea was only my imagination. Tried to tell myself that, anyway. What did he say about you losing your job the way you did?The alike(p) things you said. But he didnt dissemble me feel safe. You do. I dont know why. I did. I was an older man, and that is our chief attraction to young women we make them feel safe. Hes coming up again Tuesday morning. I said Id have lunch with him.Smoothly, not a trembling or hesitation in my voice, I said Maybe I could join you.Matties own voice warmed at the suggestion her desex acceptance made me feel paradoxically guilty. That would be great why dont I call him and suggest that you both come over here? I could barbecue again. Maybe Ill keep Ki home from VBS and make it a foursome. Shes hoping youll read her another story. She really enjoyed that.That sounds great, I said, and meant it. Adding Kyra made it all seem more natural, less of an intrusion on my part. Also less like a date on theirs. John could not be accused of taking an unethical interest in his client. In the end hed probably thank me. I believe Ki might be ready to move on to Hansel and Gretel. How are you, Mattie? All right? a great deal better than I was before you called.Good. Things are going to be all right.Promise me.I think I just did.There was a slight pause. Are you all right, Mike? You sound a little . . . I dont know . . . a little strange.Im okay, I said, and I was, for someone who had been pretty sure he was drowning less than an hour ago. Can I ask you one question before I go? Because this is impetuous me crazy.Of course.The night we had dinner, you said Devore told you his great-grandfather and mine knew each other. Pretty well, according to him.He said they shit in the same pit. I thought that was elegant.Did he say anything else? Think hard.She did, but came up with nothing. I told her to call me if something about that conversation did occur to her, or if she got lonely or scared, or if she started to feel worried about anything. I didnt like to say too much, but I had already decided Id have to have a postmark talk with John about my latest adventure. It might be prudent to have the private det ective from Lewiston George Kennedy, like the actor regurgitate a man or two on the TR to keep an eye on Mattie and Kyra. Max Devore was mad, just as my caretaker had said. I hadnt understood then, but I did now. Any time I started to doubt, all I had to do was touch the back of my head.I returned to the fridge and once more forgot to open it. My flocks went to the magnets instead and again began moving them around, watching as words formed, broke apart, evolved. It was a peculiar kind of writing . . . but it was writing. I could tell by the way I was starting to trance out.That half-hypnotized stare is one you cultivate until you can switch it on and off at will . . . at least you can when things are going well. The intuitive part of the mind unlocks itself when you begin work and rises to a height of about six feet (maybe ten on grievous days). Once there, it simply hovers, sending black-magic messages and glazed pictures. For the balance of the day that part is locked to th e rest of the machinery and goes pretty much disregarded . . . except on certain occasions when it comes loose on its own and you trance out un pass judgmently, your mind making associations which have nothing to do with rational thought and glaring with unexpected images. That is in some ways the strangest part of the creative process. The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited.My house is haunted.Sara Laughs has forever and a day been haunted . . . youve stirred em up.stirred, I wrote on the refrigerator. But it didnt look right, so I made a circle of fruit and veggie magnets around it. That was better, much. I stood there for a moment, move overs crossed over my chest as I crossed them at my desk when I was stuck for a word or a phrase, then took off stirr and plant on haunt, making haunted.Its haunted in the circle, I said, and barely heard the light-headed chime of Bunters bell, as if in agreement.I took the letters off, and as I did found myself thinking how odd it was to have a lawyer named Romeo (romeo went in the circle) and a detective named George Kennedy.(george went up on the fridge)I loveed if Kennedy could help me with Andy Drake (drake on the fridge) maybe give me some insights. Id never written about a private detective before and its the little stuff (rake off, leave the d, add etails) that makes the difference. I turned a 3 on its back and impute an I beneath it, making a pitchfork. The devils in the details.From there I went somewhere else. I dont know where, exactly, because I was tranced out, that intuitive part of my mind up so high a search-party couldnt have found it. I stood in front of my fridge and played with the letters, spelling out little pieces of thought without even thinking about them. You mightnt believe such a thing is possible, but every writer knows it is.What brought me back was light splutter across the windows of the foyer. I looked up and saw the shape of a car pulling to a stop behind my Chevro let. A cramp of menace seized my belly. That was a moment when I would have granted everything I owned for a loaded gun. Because it was Footman. Had to be. Devore had called him when he and Whitmore got back to Warringtons, had told him Noonan refuses to be a good Martian so get over there and fix him.When the drivers door candid and the dome-light in the visitors car came on, I breathed a conditional sigh of relief. I didnt know who it was, but it sure wasnt daddy. This fellow didnt look as if he could take care of a housefly with a rolled-up newspaper . . . although, I supposed, there were plenty of people who had made that same mistake about Jeffrey Dahmer.Above the fridge was a cluster of aerosol bomb cans, all of them old and probably not ozone-friendly. I didnt know how Mrs. M. had lose them, but I was pleased she had. I took the first one my hand touched Black Flag, excellent choice thumbed off the cap, and stuck the can in the left front pocket of my jeans. Then I tu rned to the drawers on the right of the sink. The top one contained silverware. The second one held what Jo called kitchenshit everything from poultry thermometers to those gadgets you stick in corncobs so you dont burn your fingers off. The third one down held a generous selection of mismatched steak knives. I took one, put it in the right front pocket of my jeans, and went to the door.The man on my deign jumped a little when I turned on the outside light, then blinked through the door at me like a nearsighted rabbit. He was about five-four, skinny, pale. He wore his hair cropped in the sort of cut cognise as a wiffle in my boyhood days. His eyes were brown. Guarding them was a pair of rimmed glasses with greasy-looking lenses. His little hands hung at his sides. One held the handle of a flat leather case, the other a small white oblong. I didnt think it was my destiny to be killed by a man with a business card in one hand, so I opened the door.The guy smiled, the anxious sort of smile people always seem to wear in woody Allen movies. He was wearing a Woody Allen outfit too, I saw faded plaid shirt a little too short at the wrists, chinos a little too standgy in the crotch. Someone must have told him about the resemblance, I thought. Thats got to be it.Mr. Noonan?Yes?He handed me the card. NEXT CENTURY REAL ESTATE, it said in embossed gold letters. Below this, in more subaltern black, was my visitors name.Im Richard Osgood, he said as if I couldnt read, and held out his hand. The American males need to respond to that gesture in kind is deeply ingrained, but that night I resisted it. He held his little pink paw out a moment longer, then lowered it and wiped the palm nervously against his chinos. I have a message for you. From Mr. Devore.I waited.May I come in?No, I said.He took a step backward, wiped his hand on his knickerbockers again, and seemed to gather himself. I hardly think theres any need to be rude, Mr. Noonan.I wasnt being rude. If Id wan ted to be rude, I would have inured him to a faceful of roach-repellent. Max Devore and his minder tried to drown me in the lake this evening. If my ingenuity seem a little off to you, thats probably it.Osgoods look of stripe was real, I think. You must be working too hard on your latest project, Mr. Noonan. Max Devore is going to be eighty-six on his close birthday if he makes it, which now seems to be in some doubt. shortsighted old fella can hardly even walk from his chasten to his bed anymore. As for Rogette I see your point, I said. In position I saw it twenty minutes ago, without any help from you. I hardly believe it myself, and I was there. Give me whatever it is you have for me.Fine, he said in a prissy little all right, be that way voice. He unzipped a pouch on the front of his leather bag and brought out a white envelope, business-sized and sealed. I took it, hoping Osgood couldnt sense how hard my message was thumping. Devore moved pretty damned fast for a man who travelled with an type O tank. The question was, what kind of move was this?Thanks, I said, beginning to close the door. Id tip you the price of a drink, but I left my notecase on the dresser.Wait Youre supposed to read it and give me an answer.I brocaded my eyebrows. I dont know where Devore got the notion that he could order me around, but I have no intention of allowing his ideas to influence my behavior. Buzz off.His lips turned down, creating deep dimples at the corners of his mouth, and all at once he didnt look like Woody Allen at all. He looked like a fifty-year-old real-estate broker who had change his soul to the devil and now couldnt stand to see anyone yank the bosss bivalent tail. Piece of friendly advice, Mr. Noonan you want to watch it. Max Devore is no man to fool around with.Luckily for me, Im not fooling around.I unlikable the door and stood in the foyer, holding the envelope and watching Mr. Next nose candy Real Estate. He looked pissed off and con-fused no one had given him the bums rush just lately, I guessed. Maybe it would do him some good. get a little perspective to his life. Remind him that, Max Devore or no Max Devore, Richie Osgood would still never stand more than five-feet-seven. Even in cowboy boots.Mr. Devore wants an answer he called through the closed door.Ill phone, I called back, then slowly raised my middle fingers in the double eagle Id hoped to give Max and Rogette earlier. In the meantime, perhaps you could convey this.I almost expected him to take off his glasses and rub his eyes. He walked back to his car instead, tossed his case in, then followed it. I watched until he had backed up to the way and I was sure he was gone. Then I went into the living room and opened the envelope. Inside was a single sheet of paper, faintly scented with the perfume my mother had worn when I was just a kid. snow-white Shoulders, I think its called. Across the top neat, ladylike, printed in slightly raised letters wasROGETT E D. WHITMOREBelow it was this message, written in a slightly shivering feminine hand8.30 P.M.Dear Mr. Noonan,Max wishes me to convey how glad he was to meet you I must echo that sentiment. You are a very amusing and entertaining fellow We enjoyed your antics ever so much.Now to business. M. offers you a very simple deal if you promise to cease asking questions about him, and if you promise to cease all legal maneuvering if you promise to let him rest in peace, so to speak then Mr. Devore promises to cease efforts to gain custody of his granddaughter. If this suits, you need only tell Mr. Osgood I agree. He will stomach the message Max hopes to return to California by private jet-propelled plane very soon he has business which can be put off no longer, although he has enjoyed his time here and has found you particularly interesting. He wants me to remind you that custody has its responsibilities, and urges you not to forget he said so.RogetteP.S. He reminds me that you didnt a nswer his question does her cunt suck? Max is quite curious on that point.R.I read this note over a second time, then a third. I started to put it on the table, then read it a fourth time. It was as if I couldnt get the sense of it. I had to restrain an urge to fly to the earphone and call Mattie at once. Its over, Mattie, Id say. Taking your job and dunking me in the lake were the last two shots of the war. Hes giving up.No. Not until I was absolutely sure.I called Warringtons instead, where I got my fourth answering machine of the night. Devore and Whitmore hadnt bothered with anything warm and fuzzy, either a voice as cold as a motel ice-machine simply told me to leave my message at the sound of the beep.Its Noonan, I said. Before I could go any nurture there was a click as someone picked up.Did you enjoy your drown? Rogette Whitmore asked in a smoky, mocking voice. if I hadnt seen her in the flesh, I might have imagined a Barbara Stanwyck type at her most coldly attractive, turn on a red velvet couch in a peach-silk dressing gown, telephone in one hand, ivory cigarette carrier in the other.If Id caught up with you, Ms. Whitmore, I would have made you understand my feelings perfectly.Oooo, she said. My thighs are a-tingle.Please spare me the image of your thighs.Sticks and stones, Mr. Noonan, she said. To what do we owe the pleasure of your call?I sent Mr. Osgood away without a resolution.Max thought you might. He said, Our young whoremaster believes in the value of a personal response. You can tell that just looking at him.He gets the uglies when he loses, doesnt he?Mr. Devore doesnt lose. Her voice dropped at least forty degrees and all the mocking good humor bailed out on the way down. He may change his goals, but he doesnt lose. You were the one who looked like a loser tonight, Mr. Noonan, paddling around and yelling out there in the lake. You were scared, werent you?Yes. Badly.You were right to be. I wonder if you know how lucky you are?May I te ll you something?Of course, Mike may I call you Mike?Why dont you just stick with Mr. Noonan. Now are you listening?With bated breath.Your boss is old, hes nutty, and I amusing hes past the point where he could effectively manage a Yahtzee scorecard, let alone a custody suit. He was whipped a week ago.Do you have a point?As a matter of fact I do, so get it right if either of you ever tries anything remotely like that again, Ill come after that old fuck and jam his snot-smeared oxygen mask so far up his ass hell be able to aerate his lungs from the bottom. And if I see you on The Street, Ms. Whitmore, Ill use you for a shotput. Do you understand me?I stopped, breathing hard, amazed and also rather stimulate with myself. If you had told me Id had such a speech in me, I would have scoffed. aft(prenominal) a long silence I said Ms. Whitmore? Still there?Im here, she said. I wanted her to be furious, but she actually sounded amused. Who has the uglies now, Mr. Noonan?I do, I said, an d dont you forget it, you rock-throwing bitch.What is your answer to Mr. Devore?We have a deal. I shut up, the lawyers shut up, he gets out of Mattie and Kyras life. If, on the other hand, he continues to I know, I know, youll bore him and stroke him. I wonder how youll feel about all this a week from now, you arrogant, stupid creature?Before I could reply it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that even at her scoop up she still threw like a girl she was gone.I stood there with the telephone in my hand for a few seconds, then hung it up. Was it a contrivance? It felt like a trick, but at the same time it didnt. John needed to know about this. He hadnt left his parents number on his answering machine, but Mattie had it. If I called her back, though, Id be obligated to tell her what had just happened. It might be a good idea to put off any further calls until tomorrow. To sleep on it.I stuck my hand in my pocket and damned near impaled it on the steak knife secrecy there. Id forgotten all about it. I took it out, carried it back into the kitchen, and returned it to the drawer. Next I fished out the aerosol can, turned to put it back on top of the fridge with its elderly brothers, then stopped. Inside the circle of fruit and vegetable magnets was thisdgow19nHad I done that myself?. Had I been so far into the zone, so tranced out, that I had put a mini-crossword on the refrigerator without remembering it? And if so, what did it mean?Maybe someone else put it up, I thought. One of my invisible roommates.Go down 19n, I said, reaching out and piteous the letters. A compass heading? Or maybe it meant Go 19 Down. That suggested crosswords again. Sometimes in a puzzle you get a pool stick which reads simply See 19 Across or See 19 Down. If that was the meaning here, what puzzle was I supposed to check?I could use a little help here, I said, but there was no answer not from the astral plane, not from inside my own head. I finally got the can of beer Id bee n promising myself and took it back to the sofa. I picked up my Tough Stuff crossword book and looked at the puzzle I was presently working. Liquor Is Quicker, it was called, and it was filled with the stupid puns which only crossword addicts find amusing. enamored actor? Marion Brandy. Tipsy southern novel? Tequila Mockingbird. Drives the DA to drink? Bourbon of proof. And the rendering of Down was Oriental nurse, which every cruciverbalist in the universe knows is amah. Nothing in Liquor Is Quicker connected to what was going on in my life, at least that I could see.I thumbed through some of the other puzzles in the book, looking at 19 Downs. Marble workers tool (chisel). CNNs favorite howler, 2 wds (wolfblitzer). Ethanol and dimethyl ether, e.g. (isomers). I tossed the book aside in disgust. Who said it had to be this particular crossword collection, anyway? There were probably fifty others in the house, four or five in the drawer of the very end-table on which my beer can sto od. I leaned back on the sofa and closed my eyes.I always liked a whore . . . sometimes their place was on my face.This is where good pups and vile dogs may walk side-by-side.Theres no town wino here, we all take turns.This is where it happened. Ayuh.I fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a stiff neck and a terrible throb in the back of my head. Thunder was rumbling thickly far off in the White Mountains, and the house seemed very hot. When I got up from the couch, the backs of my thighs more or less peeled away from the fabric. I shuffled down to the north wing like an old, old man, looked at my wet clothes, thought about taking them into the laundry room, and then decided if I bent over that far, my head might explode.You ghosts take care of it, I muttered. If you can change the pants and the underwear around on the whirligig, you can put my clothes in the hamper.I took three Tylenol and went to bed. At some point I woke a second time and heard the phantom fry sobbing. Stop, I told it. Stop it, Ki, no ones going to take you anywhere. Youre safe. Then I went back to sleep again.